Vanity or Vitality? The Real Truth About How You Look in Midlife
Your 6-minute investment to get 1% better at life each week
Hi, I’m Jason. If you are a midlife man in a leadership role, I’ve created The Prime Movement for you. It’s a community for those of us who believe in the power of progress - in leadership and in life. Dare to know. Dare to grow.
What’s coming up:
Prime Performance: This Week’s Best News, Views & Life-Hacks
The Prime Perspective: Vanity or Vitality? The Real Truth About How You Look in Midlife
Lessons from the Trenches: Real Life Leadership Challenges
Be a Prime Mover: 1 Quote to Spark Change
Prime Performance: this week’s news, views and life hacks
Photo credit @yuch.studio
🚀 START Something now!
I saw this over the weekend and it struck a chord with me for 2 reasons:
Procrastination is the enemy of progress… and the fact is that it’s rife in midlife men like us.
We’re just entering the part of the year that is the biggest excuse ever for putting things off. Don’t be that guy…! 🙏
👀 WATCH 38 Seconds that will rewire how you think about food
We all tend to think of food in a very functional, basic way, primarily in relation to things like weight loss. But this clip featuring Dr Mark Hyman, the functional medicine advocate and author, is an eye-opener. As he says himself: “The molecules in food act like medicine, influencing how we feel and function. Yet, many don’t realize the powerful connection between what they eat and conditions like asthma, migraines, anxiety, depression, or even their mood and energy levels.”
The bottom line is that if you want to optimize your mental clarity, emotional stability, and sustained energy levels in midlife then you need to pay close attention to what you’re putting in your body.
📄 READ The 30-minute rule: the new science behind napping
A groundbreaking study analyzing data from nearly 2 million people, including over a million midlife men, has delivered crucial insights about napping that could reshape your daily routine. The research reveals a clear dividing line: while naps under 30 minutes can boost cognitive function and muscle health, longer naps are linked to increased cardiovascular risks and higher mortality rates. So, set an alarm, stick to the limit, and you'll get the benefits of improved brain function without the health risks. It's a small change that could make a significant difference to your long-term wellbeing.
The Prime Perspective: Personal reflections on leadership and growth
Vanity or Vitality? The Real Truth About How You Look in Midlife
Photo credit: Flannery Underwood
"To be a leader, you must look the part. Not for others, but because how you present yourself shapes how you show up." - Jack Welch's insight hits differently in midlife, doesn't it?
If you're like many midlife men I work with, you might be avoiding that mirror. Maybe you've bought into the notion that caring about your appearance at “our age" is somehow superficial or vain. That focusing on looks is beneath a serious executive or leader.
Let me challenge that belief head-on: nothing could be further from the truth.
So at a lofty 5’ 8’’ I knew that a career in the NBA would never beckon, but fortunately I could see the funny side when taller friends would come out with the height gags - I can’t even tell you why, but for whatever reason, it’s never affect my confidence an iota.
However, in 2012, I realised I was losing my hair… and that was a whole different story! That thinning hair started crushing my confidence, affecting how I showed up in social situations, in business meetings… in life.
I was at a complete loss until a friend of mine confided he’d had a transplant earlier that year and said it was the best money he’d ever spent. He passed on the details of the surgeon in Harley Street and I was booked in within weeks.
Now you could dismiss this as pure vanity, but that ‘superficial’ procedure? It gave me back the confidence that had drained away. Most importantly, I can say categorically that without it, there’s no way I would have plucked up the courage to ask my now wife out on a date - that alone makes it my best-ever investment.
It highlights the human truth that sometimes the external changes we make can have profound internal impacts.
So my take is this - when you take pride in your appearance, whether that's staying in shape, dressing well, or yes, even considering aesthetic procedures, you're not necessarily being superficial, you’re potentially just investing in yourself.
Just in the same way that physical health impacts mental health and vice versa, so there’s a clear link between how you look and how you feel. This isn't about vanity – it's about vitality. It's about showing up as the best version of yourself, not just for others, but for you.
At this point I should confess I’m being deliberately provocative, but it’s because I want to stimulate a response. Coaching is about holding courageous conversations and encouraging reflection, so, in the hope my perspective this week has given you pause for thought, here are three immediate steps you can take:
Challenge your assumptions - If you've been dismissing appearance-related concerns as “superficial”, ask yourself honestly: Is that belief serving you?
Audit your basics - When did you last update your wardrobe? Your grooming routine? Your fitness regime?
Take the mirror test -what's the real story your appearance is telling?
The bottom line? Looked at through the right lens these are nothing but opportunities for positive change.
Dare to know. Dare to grow.
*Jason Leavy is the founder of The Prime Movement, helping midlife men thrive, not just survive. Learn more about the TPM Program.*
Lessons from the Trenches: Real life leadership challenges
Every week, I address real challenges faced by leaders like you. These insights come from both TPM readers and anonymized coaching experiences. Because when one of us faces a challenge, we can all learn from it.
Paralyzed at the Peak: When Personal Struggles Shake Professional Confidence
CHALLENGE:
I'm a 45-year-old Managing Director of a real estate, recently divorced with two kids. While the split was amicable, I'm realizing how much I've let slide. My friendships have gradually drifted away - not by choice, but I just found it harder and harder to make time. Looking in the mirror, I barely recognize myself. I've put on weight, stopped working out, and my energy levels are shot.
I’m also getting increasingly worried that what’s happening in my personal life is affecting my professional confidence. I keep on kicking the can down the road, but I know that’s not sustainable. I just feel like i’m in a state of paralysis.
MY TAKE:
First, let me acknowledge something powerful - the courage it takes to admit you need support. As the famous author Ryan Holiday reminds us, asking for help isn't weakness; it's a sign of strength. It shows you're refusing to accept defeat, refusing to let circumstances define your future.
Read on to hear my initial guidance, plus a powerful personal story from Dr Brendon...
The reality is that personal and professional lives aren't separate chambers - they're interconnected vessels. When one depletes, the other inevitably feels the drain. What I see in your situation isn't failure; it's the natural consequence of trying to handle everything alone while maintaining the appearance of having it all together.
As TPM's founder, here's my strategic guidance for your situation:
Start with radical self-honesty and compassion
- Acknowledge that feeling vulnerable doesn't make you less of a leader - it makes you more human
- Recognize that your physical state affects your leadership presence
- Accept that rebuilding takes time - this isn't a quick fix situationRebuild your foundation strategically
- Create boundaries around work to prevent it becoming your default escape
- Begin with small commitments rather than radical changes (a 20-minute daily walk will help mentally and physically)
- Identify activities that may serve multiple purposes (e.g. joining a squash club for both fitness and social connection)Reconnect authentically
- Most friendships don't drift from lack of caring, but lack of bandwidth
- Be honest about where you are - vulnerability often strengthens bonds
- Take the time to be an active listener - your friends may have been having their own challenges and you need to be there for them if you want them to be there for you. Stronger together.
Dr Brendon adds a powerful personal perspective: "Your story really hit home for me. You're absolutely right about divorce and breakups leaving their mark, regardless of how amicable they might be. It's like each relationship takes a piece of us when it ends, and that hit to our confidence can ripple through every part of our lives.
“I've walked that same path of gradually neglecting myself and watching friendships fade. That downward spiral you described - I've lived it too. But here's what I discovered: those friendship bonds are often more resilient than we think. Most friends understand life gets complicated and they're usually more welcoming than we expect when we reach back out.
“The concept about using physical activity as a bridge back to both fitness and friendships is spot-on. It's a two-for-one approach that can help rebuild both physical and social confidence. Something as simple as joining a local sports team or meeting an old friend for a weekly run can be transformative.
“You've already taken the hardest step by acknowledging what needs to change. The path forward is about rebuilding those connections - with yourself, your friends, and your confidence - one step at a time."
Remember: Strong leadership isn't about projecting invulnerability - it's about demonstrating resilience. By facing these challenges head-on, you're not just rebuilding your personal life; you're developing the kind of authentic leadership that truly inspires others.
Ready to start your journey back to thriving, not just surviving? Let's talk about how The Prime Movement Program can support your transformation.
Be A Prime Mover: Wisdom to inspire action
“The clothes you wear are a direct reflection of the respect you show yourself and others.”
— Tom Ford
MY TAKE:
As midlife leaders, how we present ourselves isn't about chasing youth or following trends – it's about demonstrating self-respect and commanding presence. Think about it: when you show up polished and well-groomed, you're not just making a statement about your standards; you're setting the tone for every interaction that follows.
Of course clothes are just one aspect, as true presence encompasses everything from posture to physical vitality. A bespoke suit means little if you're lacking energy or confidence. The most impactful leaders understand this - they invest in their total presence as part of their integrated approach to leadership.
YOUR CHALLENGE THIS WEEK:
Look at your appearance through the lens of respect – for yourself, your role, and those you lead. What changes would elevate your presence?
If you enjoyed this, please consider forwarding it to a friend. We are stronger together.
Your thoughts are the fuel that keeps us moving forward, so message me at jason@theprimemovement.com.
